Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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