There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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