Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Say something about gay babies.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
