plz talk dirty to me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
