She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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