I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
