'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
