is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
