I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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