I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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