he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
