She said her name was "party"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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