She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
