you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
