I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
