At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
