We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
