In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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