I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
