ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
