why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
