I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
