I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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