there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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