Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
