Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
