That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
