how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
