You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
