There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what day is it and did you see me today?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
