Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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