last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
