did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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