I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
