it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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