they need to just BURY HIM!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
