When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
