I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
