I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
