The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
