never play flip cup with pint glasses
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
