Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
