Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
