Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
