you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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