Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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