I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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