I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
