My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
