she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
