I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
