Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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